Awkward Phase?

My body image is all over the map. Sometimes I felt amazed and blessed and pleased with my own flesh. I see my naked body in the bathroom mirror after stepping out of the shower, and I spend a few minutes sort of preening—turning this way and that, admiring the rounding swells of skin. Sometimes I lie in bed at night and stroke my newly puffed-out midsection, thinking of the mysterious life within.

On the other hand, every morning means a desperate “rootfest” through my closet in search of some elusive article of clothing that will be comfortable or at least tolerable, but wouldn't be too dumpy or add more pounds to my frame than what I've already gained. 

Week 18 is what I like to call the puberty of my pregnancy. I’m in an awkward phase. Much like a twelve year old with gangly limbs and weirdo hair, I look … well … strange. It's that in-between stage where it's not quite clear if I am fat or pregnant.

The belly is there. I know it, Gary knows it, and now strangers know it. I just think the strangers are a bit confused as to what the belly actually consists of. It might be baby, might be fat. No one knows for sure, mostly because I am wearing clothes like I haven’t a clue in the world on how to dress myself. 

I had thought that I would love the look of being pregnant, the adorable belly, the loss of worry as my size expanded, the knowing smiles from strangers. No one talks about the awkward stage and that’s not fair. Someone should be thoughtful enough to pull all us women together and announce that there will be a three to four week period where we will not look normal nor will we look pregnant. We will just look fat and confused. People will probably laugh at the clothes I wear and assume I go home at night and eat pounds of fudge and mountains of chips.

Seriously, It should be socially acceptable for ALL pregnant women to wear pajamas to work (if they so desire). However, in my current state no one would actually know that I am, in fact, pregnant…and I would just look like a frumpy, fat, twenty-something going through a quarter life crisis.

I am sooooooooo not a fan of this stage.